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Trying out new things: Going to the movies alone

The experience: Going to the movies alone

The location: Nu Metro, Canal Walk

The situation: The husband was working until 20:00, and we currently only have one car. Not because we rode on a slow puncture for 6 months or anything, which caused the tyre to go kaput, which then resulted in the biscuit tyre being put on, and after a few days of that the car is a bit unstable. Nope, it’s for unrelated reasons.

Image result for can you tell that im lying meme

I had some time to kill until he was done, so I thought that I’d go to a movie alone for the first time.

The test: Kingsman 2: The Golden Circle, 17:15 showing.

The analysis: I loved the first one, and heard a bunch of shit about the 2nd, but decided to see it anyway. After struggling with redeeming my movie and refreshment codes (the usual), I moseyed on into the cinema. Turns out I was the only person who bought a ticket for that showing, so I sat right in the centre and went into super chill mode.

The verdict: The movie was good. I get why people were hating on it, because people are always wanting something new and innovative, but people also be cray, so we shouldn’t listen to people. Kingsman 2 basically carried on the story from the first one, and continued using the camera techniques and fighting style from there. If this one had come out first, people would have been as blown away by it as they were by the first one. The movie gets a sin for only having like ten minutes of Channing Tatum.

I would definitely go to the movies by myself again. The ticket dude was all, aw are you here by yourself? I was like, yup, looking forward to it!

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Power to the people!

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Finding the balance: Soul

What a glorious day it is today. Actually, this whole month has been quite glorious. I view October as a month of rebirth, transformation and renewal. After many months of reflection, I made a decision a few weeks ago and I’ve chosen today to as my coming out day: I am no longer a Christian.

To be honest, I was moving towards the agnostic path already over the last few years. After the big events of last year, I started questioning everything about myself. I’ve made great progress in many areas, but this part still bothered me. It’s only when I took a step back and saw how Christianity was twisted and used as a weapon against me that I realised that I needed to remove myself from it.

I have nothing against religion. As history has shown us, religion has been used for good and evil, depending on whose hands it is in. I need time to process what was done to me, so I can no longer participate in fundamentalist Christianity, nor do I want to.

I have been on a long, hard journey over the past year. My husband has been an incredible source of strength and comfort, giving me the space to find myself and rolling with the changes I’ve made. He mostly benefits anyway – I’ve become much more relaxed, no longer bound by ridiculous rules (self-imposed as well as external) and I’m much more spontaneous now. Case in point – a few weeks ago, I drove us 2 hours to have lunch, and then we drove back. Why? Just because we can, and I wanted to show him how good the food was at that place. I would never have done something like that on a whim a year ago.

The point is, I have undergone significant changes over the past year. My husband says it’s because I’m finally discovering who I really am, that my true personality is finally comfortable with emerging. He also likes to say now that he knew who I was all along, even when I didn’t, which makes me want to pinch him, but then I remember that he told me he would marry me a month after we started dating and I laughed in his face. Is the moral here that I should always listen to my husband? The feminist in me want to say no…

Anyway. The basic tenets of Buddhism have been appealing to me lately, because it echoes how we have been living our lives lately. Basically, question everything (always be learning and don’t just accept things because of “tradition”), be kind to everyone, don’t worry about useless crap like material gain, and strive to live a good fulfilling life. I’ve probably summarised it horribly, but that’s what I’ve gathered from my research. I am very hesitant to put a label on things anymore (yay for letting go of being judgemental!) so for right now I’m content with being “spiritual”.

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Or I could become Pastafarian. Who knows what lies ahead! 

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I’ve started the Curly Girl Method

Last year, I attempted to wean myself off of applying heat to my hair. I lasted about 6 months with 1 or 2 blowouts a month before I started relapsing into my old habits (blowdrying and flat-ironing once every 2 days). Trigger Warning: In this post, I get real about some medical issues and other personal shit.

About 6 weeks ago I discovered the curlyhair subreddit and realised that I had found my people. Two weeks ago I reflected on how my hair got to this state, which included reflecting on how my hair was treated during my childhood, when I had no bodily autonomy:

  • Having my hair treated by my parents as if it was not radically different to the wavy and straight hair of my sisters
  • Always having my hair blowdried roughly throughout my childhood (I don’t recall a single photo of me as a child with natural hair)
  • Not having the right products for my hair and scalp type
  • My hair was relaxed multiple times between the ages of 7 – 13 to “make it straight” (WTF)
  • My hair was overdosed with oil products to combat the dryness, which just made my hair look dirty all the time
  • I was not allowed to cut my hair, and maybe got a home trim of <1cm to “take the split ends off” like once a year

The hair dysfunction that started in my childhood carried over to my adult years:

  • I had to quickly learn how to blowdry my own hair once I moved into res in first year i.e. basically tortured my hair with the amount of heat I was applying
  • Still didn’t know the right products to use
  • Left my hair “natural” on occasion and was never pleased with how it looked because the curls could not come out
  • Started colouring my hair and cutting it now that I was “allowed to”

To add to this shitshow, last year I was diagnosed with mild scalp psoriasis, which spreads to my elbows and neck in times of stress, and is related to the dermatitis I always had on my scalp. It was never dandruff, and my parents never bothered to take me to a proper dermatologist when I was younger, despite eczema running in the family. I wasted time and money making my dermatitis worse by using rough anti-dandruff shampoos which never worked, because I never had it.

Once I knew what it was, it pretty much cleared up. I have some flare-ups now and then, but it’s far more under control than it ever has been. Probably because the biggest stress factors in my life are gone!

Anyway, I started the method 2 weeks ago. I chucked out all my hair crap and bought products containing no sulfates or silicons. I’m currently in the transition phase (read: my hair looks like shit), but just like with losing weight, I just have to power through and within a few weeks I’ll hopefully have my curls back (I’m a 2C/3A combo). The method I’m following for now is as follows:

  • Sunday: Shampoo + Condition
  • Monday: Rinse
  • Tuesday: Co-wash (i.e. wash with conditioner) + Condition
  • Wednesday: Co-wash + Condition
  • Thursday: Rinse
  • Friday: Co-wash + Condition
  • Saturday: No wash

The rinse days are only to get the sweat out of my scalp after a workout, otherwise those would be no-wash days as well. After each wash, I’ve been alternating between using Aunt Jackie’s Curl Custard and The Curl Company’s Creme Gel as my leave-in. I’m also going to start plopping this weekend to combat the frizz and crunch.

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Exactly

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Finding the balance: Mind

When I started my epic revamp 2 years ago, I was working on finding my balance between work, health, studies and mind. By the end of it, my health was excellent, I got a new job which was a big promotion, and I started doing my Hons after having to wait 5 years.

I did not realise the state that my mind was in though. Some events happened late last year, which took its toll on my body as well, which is why the husband and I have had to embark on a new Regimen. 

This time around, I’m focusing on balancing mind, body, and soul. One’s mental health has a much bigger impact than people tend to realise on  body and soul. For me, getting my mental health in order has taken priority over the last while.

Which is why I’ve decided that I am quitting my studies. I’m only 6 months away from finishing, on track for cum laude, but I’ve weighed up the pros and cons and decided it’s no longer worth it. 

I’ve been learning to let things go. I’ve realised that I’m actually not the uptight person I was led to believe I was. I no longer allow the sunk-cost fallacy to keep me trapped in a situation that is not good for me. 

My husband and I spent many years of our relationship as a long-distance couple, because of the small-mindedness, hypocrisy and intolerance of people who are no longer in our lives. Our mental health suffered greatly because of it, and we missed out on many great experiences because of it. 

As a result, I cannot tolerate the wasting of time. For too long my time was dictated by others (whether directly or indirectly). Now that my mind is aware of the damage done and the time wasted, I am done.

I refuse to waste more time on a degree that will not let me upgrade my professional registration, and that will have no impact on my career. I am well established in my field, and no longer require a piece of paper to prove what I know. 

The old Cindy would never have done this. I always saw things through, no matter what. However, life is short. I could be learning things I actually want to through moocs, I could be drafting the designs for our bathroom makeover, I could be working on our smart home, I could be lying on the floor with a glass of wine and playing with my cattens. All of these things would be a better use of my time.

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Kaiju is 1 today!

The first of the cattens to officially become a Cat! She’s only been part of the family for 2 months, but she sleeps on my leg every night and shadows me around the house in the morning. 

I’ll post better pics when I write the posts about each catten (yes they’ll each get their own post because I’m a crazy cat lady now and I own it.) 

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Trying out new things: Wine

The experience: The concept of drinking Wine

The location: All over the show

The situation: I’ve been neglecting the blog recently due to reasons and stuff, so now I’m going through all of my draft posts to see if there is anything still of relevance before moving onto new posts. This post was drafted on 11 Feb 2017, so I feel like a lot has changed since I was going to start writing it.

I guess Wine is not a new thing to me anymore, because I tried it out, and it’s awesome. It’s all about how you approach the concept – once I removed the shackles from my mind (and the burdens of the past), I could experience and appreciate Wine for what it is – something that you drink. Nothing more, nothing less.

The test: I’ve tried enough low – high-end whites, and low – mid-end reds, at home and in restaurants.

The analysis: Through trial and error (and a lot of bottles ending up as cooking wine), I chose my house wine, which is the wine I keep in the house at all times. It’s perfect for that evening “Aaaaaah” after a long day at work, with enough of a buzz to keep one relaxed, but not enough to get you drunk. Initially, this wine would make me drunk, but then again, cough syrup would have made me drunk at the beginning.

The verdict: I’m a red person. When we go out to eat at Restaurants (capitalised purposely, more on that later), I’ve made it a habit to order a different glass of red every time, in order to “expand my palate” or something. The only thing I won’t do is go wine tasting. Mainly because the hubby is not into drinking (I just think it’s because he hasn’t found his tipple of choice yet), but also because we both have a negative association with it. I prefer my methods of finding new wines anyway.

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RIP Chester ♥

I’ve written about my relationship with Linkin Park before, but never really in detail. I had a super long post planned about the impact that Linkin Park has had on my life, mainly because of Chester. His songs have taken on new meaning to me in the last few months, although I did basically ignore their new album (not my taste, and Lord knows I’ve expanded my music tastes over the last 2 years).

I’ve thought about writing this post all day, but as I sit here now, after reading a bunch of articles and thinkpieces about what happened, I don’t really have anything to say. Except I’ll keep listening to all my favourite songs, and some of the others too, just as I have for the last 15 years. Depression is a bitch. I’m sad for what has happened, and for his family, but I’m also happy that Chester is finally at peace. ♥

Official Linkin Park Facebook cover photo today. Beautiful.